By Megan Bowen, MSW, RSW
Every four years, the World Cup captures the world’s attention. Although I’m not the biggest soccer (football) fan, I did catch part of the match between England and Croatia the other day. A moment that stood out for me was a mistake the Croatian goalkeeper made. His foot was mere centimeters off his goal line when he initially saved a penalty kick. This mistake led to England retaking the penalty and getting the goal. As I watched, I thought about how athletes recover from mistakes and how this might apply in everyday life. It also was a reminder of an important truth: even elite players make mistakes!
The same is true in our everyday lives. Whether we are giving a presentation, taking a test during finals, raising children, navigating relationships, or managing challenges at work, we all make errors. The question is not whether mistakes will happen. The question is how we respond when they do.
The Inner Critic
Many of us have an inner critic that immediately appears after a set back. It may sound like:
- “You should have known better.”
- “You’re not good enough.”
- “Everyone else has it figured out.”
- “Don’t make that mistake again.”
The inner critic often believes it is helping. It thinks harsh self-judgement will motivate us to improve. However, sport psychology research suggests the opposite. Excessive self-criticism can increase anxiety, reduce confidence, and make it harder to recover from mistakes.
Imagine a World Cup coach screaming insults at a player every time they missed a pass. Most people would recognise that as ineffective coaching. Yet many of us speak to ourselves this way.
The Inner Coach
Elite athletes don’t succeed because they never make mistakes. They succeed because they learn how to respond constructively when mistakes occur. This is where the concept of the inner coach becomes valuable. Instead of saying, “you always mess things up,” the inner coach says, “mistakes are part of growth.” A player who spends the next 20 minutes replaying a missed shot in their head is unlikely to preform at their best. The same principle applies to our daily lives.
Self-Compassion
Many people worry that self-compassion means lowering standards or making excuses. Simply put, self-compassion means treating yourself with the same understanding you would offer a friend or teammate facing a difficult moment. If your friend made a mistake at work, you probably wouldn’t tell them they are a failure. You would remind them that everyone makes mistakes, encourage them to learn from the experience, and help them move forward.
Research shows that self-compassion is associated with greater resilience, emotional well-being, and motivation. People who practice self-compassion are often better able to recover from setbacks because they are not wasting energy fighting themselves.
Athletes cannot change the missed shot, the turnover, or the bad call. They can only influence what happens next. When your inner critic starts replaying past mistakes, try asking:
- What would my inner coach say right now?
- What can I learn from this experience?
- What is the next helpful step I can take?
The next time you make a mistake, remember that even the most talented players in the World Cup miss passes, step over the line, and experience setbacks. Your mental health can benefit from the same approach. When the inner critic shows up, notice it, then invite your inner coach into the conversation. Respond with self-compassion and focus on the next play. Growth doesn’t come from being perfect, it comes from continuing to move forward, one moment at a time.
Oh ya…and GO CANADA!!!
